


I Turned My Face Away and Dreamed About You

by Nadja_Lee



Series: Broken Angel [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Breathplay, Broken Alec Lightwood, Dark, Dark Love, Dark Magnus Bane, Dom Magnus Bane, Dom/sub, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Possessive Magnus Bane, Prince of Hell Magnus Bane, Protective Magnus Bane, Punishment, Rough Sex, Salvation, Sex, Smut, Sub Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-25 13:14:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22256815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Magnus saves Alec from a cycle of self-destructive behaviour caused by their breakup after the soul sword episode by suggesting they enter into a new type of relationship; a D/s relationship wherein Alec can feel safe while getting what he needs.So in other words; there's some rough possessive Malec smut in here.[Part 2 of Broken Angel: A dark possessive Malec love story]
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Broken Angel [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1602028
Comments: 59
Kudos: 985





	I Turned My Face Away and Dreamed About You

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks much to my beta Cindy for her great help as always.  
> Thanks so much to Regina Danica Villa Bibit for the amazing series banner.  
> Chapter warnings: References to part 1 which means self-harm, including cutting and burning and using sex as a coping mechanism, talk of entering into a D/s relationship with contracts, detailed rough sex, breathplay, punishment.

_Please read the chapter notes for warnings - detailed sex in this one_

# I Turned My Face Away and Dreamed About You

Alec slowly became aware of his body, feeling like he was floating. His brain felt airy and far away, almost high or drunk. He slowly opened his eyes and a standard single bed hospital room at the Institute came into view. An IV was attached to his wrist, indicating his feeling of being high or drunk came from the painkillers and other drugs he was on.

An initial disappointment hit him. He was still alive. Alive to live in a world of pain and agony, alone, without Magnus, because he had been too stupid to save the best thing he had ever had. He was awaiting the overwhelming wall of pain to hit him, the memories of loss, of Magnus breaking up with him for lying about the Soul Sword, but the drugs kept it at bay. Well, these drugs had uses after all then…

Before Alec could think further how he could use the drugs to keep his pain at bay someone rose from a chair in the far corner and came to stand by his bedside, looking down at him with worried and kind eyes.

“Magnus?” Alec asked surprised and shocked.

Was he dreaming? Was he hallucinating? Was he dead and this was heaven?

“Yes, darling?” Magnus asked softly as he sat by his bedside in the chair next to his bed.

Alec’s initial smile and warm look turned to confusion when he didn’t dare believe this was true, this was actually happening.

“How are you here?” Alec asked puzzled.

He had longed to see Magnus since he had left him but Magnus had never contacted him and when Alec at first had tried contacting him to apologize again and again, finally resorting to leaving SMS messages, Magnus had in the end written back and told him to stop contacting him; they were over.

“I portaled you here after the battle,” Magnus explained, a serious look filled with concern on his face.

Alec smiled like a sun, his joy, relief and happiness almost tangible in the room.

“It was you!” Alec said as if he had discovered the cure for cancer or everlasting life.

“Me?” Magnus asked with a confused look on his face.

Alec nodded, still smiling. Magnus had actually showed up. He had come. That meant something. Didn’t it?

“Izzy called you. You were there,” Alec elaborated, saying it almost more to convince himself than Magnus.

Magnus nodded. “Yes.”

“Thank you,” Alec said heartfelt, meaning for being there, not necessarily for saving his life as he was still uncertain he wanted it.

“You’re welcome,” Magnus said calmly but his eyes looked at him as if searching for something.

It was really starting to annoy Alec that Magnus was so calm. He looked just the same as before; before their breakup. Alec though had changed. He was tainted now; no longer innocent. He was broken and fucked up in more ways than he had thought possible. His body was littered with scars, very little flesh untouched and his soul was just as injured. He was no longer the innocent young man he had been when Magnus had first met him. Suddenly it felt like a curse and not a blessing to have Magnus look at him. He wanted, he needed, him gone. He didn’t want him to look at him, to see the stain within.

“You don’t have to stay, you know,” Alec said as matter of fact as he could and found he couldn’t keep Magnus’ gaze so he lowered his eyes to the bedsheets and his hands now folded in his lap on top of the covers.

Magnus nodded, still calm and even, still looking intensely at him.

“I know,” Magnus said. Then, after a short pause, he added, a hint of concern and pain in his words as he spoke but his face was a mask of nothingness, “Does your sister know you wanted to die?”

Alec’s eyes shot up, piercing into his, filled with fear, worry and shame.

“What do you mean?” Alec asked cautiously. Only he could manage to fuck up something as simple as dying. Just great. He couldn’t even get that right.

“Don’t worry; the Clave doesn’t know. You are being celebrated as a hero; you might get a medal when your sick leave is over,” Magnus calmed him with and Alec relaxed a little.

Then pain was back in Magnus’ voice as he elaborated, “However, I mean you wanted that demon to kill you, didn’t you?”

Magnus’ tone made it clear it was more a statement of fact than a real question. There was no feelings or judgment in his question, just saying it, voicing it.

Alec blushed in embarrassment and again looked down at his hands.

“I don’t…” Alec began his denial, his voice weak and hesitant, filled with refutation and shame.

Magnus’ eyes narrowed dangerously, a hint of steel entering them.

“I would really suggest you don’t start our reunion off with lying,” the Warlock warned, his tone soft but dangerous, the anger just below the surface.

Magnus’ anger fueled Alec’s own. Magnus had left him. Left him! And his whole world has imploded. He had had nothing left. How dared he be angry with him?!

Alec looked furiously at him as he snapped, “Why are you even here? Why do you care either way?”

Magnus’ voice and expression softened, reflecting care and concern as he replied, “I care, Alexander. I always cared.”

Magnus reached out to touch his hand on the covers but Alec tore his hand away as if burned and gave Magnus a murderous look.

“You left me! So leave now. You are good at that!” Alec yelled, his voice filled with pain and rage as he used one hand to point towards the door to the hospital room he was in.

Magnus simply leaned back in his chair and eyed him calmly.

“You can’t scare me away,” he replied matter of fact.

The more calm Magnus seemed the more furious and hurt Alec felt.

“Fuck you!” Alec spat out, his hands forming fists in his lap and his eyes shooting daggers at the Warlock.

Just seeing Magnus so close to him was almost physically painful. Why wouldn’t he just leave?!

“I prefer if we switch that around,” Magnus said calmly, clearly unfazed by his rage.

Alec sighed annoyed before he eyed him with growing irritation, “Seriously…why are you here?!”

“I think we need to talk,” Magnus said calmly, evenly, leaning slightly in towards the bed.  
Alec shook his head, his lips set in a stubborn line. So now he wanted to talk, after all these months. Yeah…no.

“I don’t think so,” Alec denied, fighting to keep calm. He was not in the mood for Magnus explaining all calm and grown-up of all the reasons why their relationship would never have worked out, why he was too young, too inexperienced, too….everything, something. He had a brain that were more than happy to list all his failings; he didn’t need any help in that department, thank you very much!

Magnus looked determinedly and calmly back at him.

“Well, too bad because we are going to talk,” Magnus said strongly in a tone of voice that left no room for argument.

Alec sighed pained. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t deal with this. Just being near Magnus was like being stabbed in the heart over and over again.

“What will it take for you to just leave?” Alec asked almost desperately, his eyes pleading.

“What will it take for you to talk to me?” Magnus replied back, his voice calm and even.

Having enough of Magnus’ calm bullshit Alec snapped and downright told him, “Do you have any idea what I have **done** in the last few months since you left me? What I have been through?”

His voice was filled with agony and self-hatred, of loathing and desperation. A part of him hated himself more for making Magnus leave but he knew it had to be done. He was too broken; everything was too broken and painful and raw and he just couldn’t cope with it any longer.

“I have some idea,” Magnus said calmly, his voice thoughtful and reflective. “I saw your scars when I healed the demon venom that had entered your system through your wound,” he elaborated.

Magus had seen his scars? He suddenly couldn’t breathe. He had seen the cuts and burns, seen where his broken flesh had been healed? Suddenly Magnus words caught up with him and an even greater panic and fear overtook him.

“Did you heal them?!” Alec asked panicked, pulling almost desperately, needy, at his right sleeve to pull it up. Alec sighed in relief when he saw his arm covered in scars and bruises, mainly from razor cuts and burn marks from a lighter.

“No. I guessed, correctly I can see, that you need them,” Magnus replied, nodding towards Alec’s right arm covered with scars.

Alec pulled his sleeve back down again, a bit calmer now. Now feeling embarrassed that Magnus had witnessed this he tried a more honest approach, his voice broken and filled with pain as he spoke.

“Magnus, you have no idea how fucked up I am. You should leave.”

Magnus gave him a strong look and took a hold of his nearest hand. Alec tried to look back but Magnus simply held on tighter, his grip borderline painful as he added magic to ensure he couldn’t pull his hand again.

“Alexander, can we agree from here on forth that you stop making the failed assumption you have any clue what I want or don’t want?” Magnus said sharply, his eyes tearing into his.

Alec looked confused at him, “I….what?”

“Let’s take this one step at a time,” Magnus said seriously and released his hold on his hand as he leaned a bit back in the chair and eyed him intensely.

After a few moments Magnus asked softly, matter of fact, “Do you still love me?”

“What?!” Alec asked surprised and shocked. Of all the things he had thought Magnus would ask it was not this.

“Why are you asking me that? **How** can you ask me that?” Alec asked pained in a defeated voice as he looked down.

“Answer me,” Magnus demanded sharply, his voice like a whip, demanding respect.

Alec couldn’t help but look at him. He gave a helpless sigh of pain and puzzlement as he replied, “What? Why?”

Magnus’ gaze and expression got harder and he reached out to take a hard and bruising grip on Alec’s chin, forcing his head towards him. Alec tried to turn away but Magnus again used magic to make his grip inescapable. For some reason knowing that, knowing Magnus didn’t want him to escape his grip for any reason, was something that made Alec feel better, feel calmer.

“Answer me, Alexander. I won’t ask again,” Magnus ordered, his voice sharp and demanding as he forced his head up to look at him.

“I…” Alec hesitated, blushed and tried to look away but Magnus’ grip prevented it so he had to just avert his eyes.

“Yes,” Alec whispered pained. Self-hate made his eyes shine and his voice harsh as he forced himself to look at Magnus. “And so what?”

Magnus smiled, his expression softening.

“I love you too,” Magnus declared as he released his hold on his chin, having left small red marks there.  
“What?” Alec asked shocked and surprised. Magnus couldn’t love him. He had betrayed him; lied to him. Magnus had made it clear that was unforgiveable.

“Why?” Alec asked helplessly, disbelieving the truth in the words.

“Do you need a list?” Magnus asked with a hint of the old teasing and flirting from when they had first met.

“Well…” Alec began but then hesitated. At the moment he surely didn’t believe him. He knew Magnus was trying to lighten the mood but he still nodded, his expression serious as he said, “Yes.”

Magnus smiled a little at that, “Maybe later. When we have resolved all of this.”

Hearing that made Alec frown and darkness cloud his mind. He wasn’t worthy of love. He destroyed love. He had betrayed Magnus.

“You shouldn’t love me,” Alec said softly, agonized. He paused before he added truthfully, “ **I** don’t love me.”

“Yes…I get that feeling,” Magnus said matter of fact, a worried frown on his forehead.

Unsure if Magnus truly understood just how not deserving of love he was Alec added in a small and tormented tone, “You don’t understand what I did.”

Magnus gave an encouraging smile as he said calmly, “We were broken up. It doesn’t matter.”

Alec shook his head stubbornly, “Yes it does.”

“You had sex,” Magnus concluded matter of fact, not sounding angry or upset, just stating it.  
Alec frowned; didn’t he care? Shouldn’t he care?

“Well, yes but…” Alec started to say, blushing, feeling broken and dirty just from remembering and retelling what he had done.

“So did I,” Magnus said matter of fact.

Alec frowned, not liking to hear that but having expected as much.

“Yes but…” Alec started again but stopped, hesitant to continue, knowing Magnus’ eyes would then cloud with hate and contempt as they rightly should.  
“But what?” Magnus pressed.

Alec shook his head and said in a low and pained voice, “I did some really fucked up things.”

“Like what?”

Alec sighed in defeat, closing his eyes in pain. Magnus would surely hate him now. He hated himself for what he had done; for his weakness, for the humiliation he had sought, the pain he had needed.

“I had sex with Jace,” he mumbled, his eyes on his hands, his words barely audible and yet they seemed to echo in the room.

Alec was too afraid to look at Magnus, fearful of what he would read there and grew more and more tense until Magnus finally spoke.

“And?”

Alec’s eyes opened and he looked at him searchingly, finding no emotions reflected in his eyes and face.

Alec frowned in concern and worry. Why wasn’t he reacting? Did he care that little?

“It doesn’t’ bother you?” Alec asked with a raised eyebrow.

Magnus nodded, thoughtful, “Yes but I have no right to that feeling. You were not mine at the time and it doesn’t surprise me you would turn to him for what you needed. You share one soul; your pain would flare in a similarly destructive way.”

“No but…” Alec began to explain but then stopped, realizing he couldn’t explain. He blushed and looked away.

“Did you enjoy it?” Magnus asked matter of fact, his voice strong and demanding a response.

“What?” Alec asked surprised, giving him a questioning look.

“What you did with Jace?” Magnus elaborated.

“I don’t know,” Alec said honestly, trying to consider the question without reliving the memories. “Mostly I needed it,” he admitted.

“Why?”

Alec sighed in agony and defeat before he added, feeling Magnus deserved the truth at least before he left for good, “He was brutal. Everything you hadn’t been when we had made love. It helped with the pain. A little.”

“You seem to have been brutal to yourself in many ways,” Magnus remarked matter of fact as he took a hold of his nearest wrist, holding it firmly, so tight he was leaving bruises as he used his other hand to pull up his shirt to expose the scars for them both to see.

Alec blushed and fought to free his wrist. Magnus gave him a warning look but then released him, making it clear he was released because Magnus wanted it so.

Alec looked at the scars before he covered himself again, whispered softly, pained, “I needed it.”

“Do you still need it?” Magnus asked softly.

Alec reflected for a moment, thinking Magnus deserved that much at least.

“Yes,” he admitted softly, blushing, embarrassed by how broken he was, looking down and avoiding Magnus’ eyes.

Magnus could leave now; it was over. It felt almost calm knowing that; finally it was time to let go of Magnus….let go of life.

“If you had the chance would you want to be back with me?” Magnus asked seriously.

“More than anything,” Alec admitted eagerly, looking at him with need and desire. Then self-hate clouded his eyes again and when he spoke his voice was filled with loathing and agony, “But I am…broken. I am not who I used to be. I’m fucked up.”

Magnus gave him a piercing look, reflecting on his reply before he said, “Alexander, things can never be how they were. You betrayed me. I love you but I would **never** be able to trust you again.”

Hearing that made Alec blush in embarrassment at being reminded of his own failure, of what he had broken, how he had hurt him.

“Oh,” he whispered hoarsely, weakly, his voice defeated and broken. Of course Magnus hadn’t asked because he wanted to be back together again; how stupid could he be? No one would want to be together with someone like him. He had probably just been curious.

“But I have an idea that might work for both of us,” Magnus said slowly.

Alec looked at him with something between hope and suspicion, trying hard to control his emotions. His voice was weak and pained as he spoke, fighting to kill the hope growing inside of him that had to be false, had to be wrong, “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I want you back,” Magnus said matter of fact. “I want you back in a way that can work for us.”  
Alec didn’t get it. He was broken, wrong and needy. He had done horrible things, asked for horrible things to be done to him. He wasn’t…right. Magnus should find someone better.

Alec shook his head and frowned in confusion, “I don’t understand why.”

“You don’t need to understand that,” Magnus said strongly, his gaze on him calm and even. “Would you like to hear my suggestion?”

Magnus’ strength in his reply gave Alec hope and his response was almost a plea, “Yes.”

“Give yourself over to me, completely. Submit to me…and I will take care of you in any and all ways you need,” Magnus offered, his voice filled with dark promise.

Alec looked confused at him, “I…I am not sure I understand.”

“I think you do,” Magnus countered, his voice holding a strong and almost dangerous edge.

Alec thought about his words and the images they were conjuring up in his mind. Surrender; body and mind. Allow himself to fall and know he would be taken care of. He wanted that; he needed that. He was barely hanging on, fighting for every breath, every step. But how precisely would this work? Would Magnus really be his again? Was it possible? He tired hard to curb his rising hopes.

“So you would be what…my commander?” Alec questioned, choosing a word he was more familiar with than the one that came to his mind’s eye, blushing a bit at even thinking it….Master. Master and commander.

“That’s one way of putting it,” Magnus said seriously, nodding. “You wouldn’t have to worry about doing something wrong; I would tell you what I want, how I want it and when I want it.”

Alec almost smiled at that. It sounded almost too good to be true.

“And I just need to do that and you would be happy?” Alec said softly, hopefully.

Alec gave Magnus a searching look before he added, his voice weak and almost not audible as he voiced his worst fear, knowing full well he would never survive it if Magnus were to take him in now only to cast he away later, “You would…not leave again?”

Magnus nodded. “Yes, you would not have to fear that.”

Alec **did** smile in relief this time, feeling like a huge burden had been lifted from him. Could it really be true? Could it really be possible?

“What would you get?” Alec asked concerned, unable to see he would have anything at all to offer at this time.

“Well, I would be certain you wouldn’t lie to me or betray me. Those would be some of the ground rules,” Magnus explained, his voice strong and dangerous, warning of the consequences if those ground rules were to be broken.

Alec quickly nodded an eager acceptance of those rules but then he frowned in worry and concern. Magnus needed to know what he had done and when he did he would hate him like he deserved. He wouldn’t want him.

“You will need to know what I did. What I had people do to me….Jace do to me,” Alec said softly, his voice weak and hesitant, forcing the words out, blushing in embarrassment as he looked down at his hands.

“I don’t need to know. I know enough. What you did with him, with others…it was about pain, humiliation, punishment. Knowing you, probably as extreme and as painful as it could get,” Magnus said, his voice matter of fact, holding a hint of care but happily not too much; Alec would not have been able to deal with that right now.

Alec blushed in embarrassment at his words and managed to reply in a low voice, feeling Magnus wanted him to, “Yes.”

“You were punishing yourself. If we do this you won’t be allowed to do that,” Magnus warned, his voice strong and demanding.

Alec looked away before saying quietly, “I…I need it sometimes.”

“I will give you the pain you need. You will not be allowed to do it yourself. Do you understand?” Magnus asked, his voice sharp and strong, demanding a response.

Alec bit his lower lip until it started to bleed, finding the blood in his mouth and the pain of the wound helped ground him.

“I don’t get why you would want me,” Alec asked softly, brokenly, as he looked up at him.

“If we do this you will belong completely to me,” Magnus warned, taking a hand to Alec’s bruised lip and squeezed slightly, making Alec wince from the pain but he didn’t pull away, just looked questioning up at him.

“So you won’t be allowed to do that to yourself for example,” Magnus cautioned as he withdrew his hand, releasing him.  
Alec licked his bruised lip, taking in the sting and the soft aftertaste that was unique to Magnus, making him instinctively want to melt into his arms to taste and feel him even more.

“Oh. Sorry,” Alec said softly, looking down for a moment.

“Would you like that? To belong to me?” Magnus asked seriously.

“Yes,” Alec whispered, looking at him with eyes wide with need, desperation, hope and longing. “More than anything.”

It sounded safe; he could finally let go and be unafraid.

Magnus smiled at his response, a hint of smugness in the smile as if he had expected it.

“Alright then,” Magnus said with satisfaction. “I will write up a contract that I will need you to sign that specifies my expectations to you as well as rewards and punishments for good and bad behavior.”

“Ok,” Alec said, nodding eagerly.

Alec liked the idea of a contract with as much detail as possible; if he followed the rules Magnus wouldn’t leave. He would know he had done good. He wouldn’t need to worry.

“We would also need to discuss what hard limits you have,” Magnus added expectantly.

“What’s that?” Alec asked curiously, eager to get it right so he would finally be back where he had longed to be; in Magnus’ arms.

“Things you won’t do,” Magnus clarified.

“I want to do anything for you, with you,” Alec said eagerly, wanting to please.  
“Alexander, I mean it. You will need to be honest,” Magnus warned, taking a firm and bruising grip on his chin to force him to look at him and see the seriousness in his eyes.

“I **am** honest. I want to do anything,” Alec pleaded, sounding out of breath, his voice soft as he leaned as far into Magnus’ bruising grip as he possibly could.

“Alexander,” Magnus said in annoyance, tightening his grip on his chin enough to make Alec wince slightly.

“Sorry. I….I don’t know,” Alec admitted, a hint of fear in his voice, not wanting this to mean Magnus would withdraw his offer.

Magnus was thoughtful for a moment but then nodded. “Alright. I have some ideas and of course some hard limits of my own. We will just have to amend the contract as we discover things like that.”

Magnus released his grip on his chin and Alec nodded eagerly, smiling happily, his eyes shining.

“Ok,” he quickly agreed. He hesitated but wanted Magnus to know how much this meant to him. Blushing at voicing his need he looked down as he added in a soft voice, “Thank you.”

Magnus nodded, scanning him intensely, “How are you feeling right now?”

“Elevated. I can’t believe this is happening,” Alec admitted with a wide smile but then frowned a bit as he added honestly, “I don’t think I deserve it.”

“I told you; leave that to me. That will not be for you to consider,” Magnus said strongly.

“I feel…” Alec paused, reflecting. It had been easy to voice his need with Jace because he hadn’t cared about his judgement and he hadn’t loved him like this. However, he forced himself to be honest, blushing as he spoke in a soft and quiet voice, “I feel like I want to please you to ensure you know how much you mean to me.”

Magnus nodded approvingly, “And what else?”

“And….” Alec paused, taking a deep and pained breath, “And I feel you need to punish me.”  
“What for?” Magnus asked, his voice strong but otherwise not showing any emotions or judgement on Alec’s words. It made it easier for Alec to go on.

“For lying about the Soul Sword, for hurting you,” Alec said softly, briefly closing his eyes in pain. “For having sex with people other than you,” he added brokenly, hanging his head in shame. He couldn’t forgive himself if Magnus wouldn’t punish him. He could never believe him if Magnus claimed to forgive him without it.

“Very well. I will make sure you can get them both,” Magnus promised, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

Alec smiled softly, looking at Magnus’ hand covering his own on the cover.

“Thank you,” Alec said heartfelt, relieved Magnus didn’t ask why, didn’t judge, but just accepted it was what he needed.  
“You’re welcome, Alexander,” Magnus said warmly, smiling widely. “I would like to write up the contract as soon as possible to avoid any misunderstandings. Will you come with me to the loft?”

Alec nodded eagerly, “Yes, always.”

He looked at the IV line going into his wrist. “Do you know if they said I can leave?”

“Yes, you can. But you are on indefinite sick leave at the moment so when, if, you feel ready at some point, you can let them know. Your sister is head of the Institute in the meantime,” Magnus explained and Alec nodded in relief. He wasn’t sure when or if he might be able to return but he couldn’t do it right now. He was relieved that Izzy was in charge though; she would do well.

“Here, let me help you,” Magnus offered and helped him sit up in bed and waved his hand, using magic to disconnect the IV line and dress him in loose fitting sweatpants and a shirt.

“Thank you,” Alec said gratefully, smiling as Magnus helped him to his feet. A bit shy after being parted for so long Alec enjoyed the feel of Magnus’ hand in his. He wanted more, to feel more of him but didn’t feel he deserved it and thus he didn’t reach for more.

Magnus made a portal to his loft with one hand but then turned to look at Alexander, his expression serious, “Alexander, I will ask you now and then never again. Are you sure you want this?”

Alec nodded eagerly, “Yes.”  
Magnus frowned, hesitant for a moment, “I want you to say what you want.”

“I want you,” Alec said quickly, the statement like a prayer.

“Be specific. That is not what we are talking about now and you know it,” Magnus warned, his grip around his hand turning bruising and hard, grounding Alec as he winced slightly in pain.

“I want to belong to you. I want you to take control. I want to give myself over to you,” Alec admitted, blushing as he spoke but forcing himself to look at Magnus as he said it, maintaining eye contact and keeping his voice clear, allowing his need and desire to shine through in it.

“And what else?” Magnus pressured.

Alec took a deep breath before he said, “I want you to be the one to punish me when I need the pain.”

“Anything else?”  
Alec tried to pull a bit away, embarrassed at Magnus having read his needs so clearly but Magnus’ grip was unmoving, magic having been added to it.

“I want to worship you. I want to kneel before you. I want to belong to you fully and completely,” Alec admitted, sounding out of breath, his need and desire making his voice be filled with longing and his eyes fill with want. _Nephilim love once, fiercely._

Magnus nodded approval. “Good. Well done, Alexander.”

The praise went straight to Alec’s heart and cock, making him feel almost dizzy with feelings of desire and affection.

“Thank you,” Alec said softly, having to look away from the naked praise in Magnus’ eyes, relieved and happy that his reply had been the correct one.

“I want you to belong to me too. I don’t want another man to touch you ever again and I never want to see you try and hurt yourself again in any way. Your pain or pleasure, punishment or reward, would only be mine to give,” Magnus warned dangerously, his cat eyes appearing to make it clear how seriously he meant it.

“Yes, please,” Alec agreed enthusiastically, his voice borderline pleading.

Magnus smiled in satisfaction at his response.

“Come with me then, Alexander. Let’s start this new chapter of our lives. Together,” Magnus said as he walked through the portal, pulling an eager Alec along after him.

They walked out in Magnus’ living room at his loft. Magnus released his grip on Alec and closed the portal with a hand movement. Alec looked around at the loft; it looked the same. Somehow, he felt it shouldn’t have considering how much he had changed.

“Together. Thank you,” Alec said seriously, heartfelt as he turned to face Magnus.

Alec’s eyes clouded with self-doubt and gratitude as he added, “Thank you for letting me be yours again even though I’m broken. Even though it can’t be like it was.”

“Alexander, what we had before broke and shattered. This won’t. I know what you need now. I know what **I** need from you,” Magnus replied, his voice filled with strength and power, calming Alec by just listening to him, seeing how strong, calm and in control he was.

Alec gave a sad smile.

“I am so broken. So fucked up. You have no idea,” Alec admitted in a miserable voice, shaking his head.

“Then you will be my broken angel and I will protect the pieces and I will ensure you have a supervised outlet for your self-destruction,” Magnus said matter of fact as he pulled Alec close to his chest with a strong arm around his waist.

“I love you. So much.” Alec breathed as he melted against his body, lying his head by his shoulder, breathing in his scent. “You have no fucking idea how much.”

“You have painted a picture of pain all over your body – I have a good idea, darling,” Magnus reminded him softly, closing both arms around him, holding him close and secure for a moment.

Finally, Alec drew back, making Magnus release his embrace so he again was only holding him with one arm around his waist, looking at him questioningly.

“I need you with me. I can’t breathe without you. You steal my breath,” Alec said desperately, wishing he could explain it better.

Magnus noticed something in his eyes and voice; a need, a desire he was not quite but almost just voicing.

“Do you want me to steal your breath for real?” Magnus asked softly in a strong and dark tone, lying a hand around his neck, holding it close but not quite squeezing, the other holding him in place close to him, lying around his waist.

Alec’s eyes clouded with need and he nodded eagerly, “Yes, please.”

“Take a deep breath,” Magnus warned before he squeezed hard around his neck, keeping him in place with his arm around his waist.

Magnus kept a close eye on Alec as he surrendered to the feeling, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as something between pleasure and pain, fear and release, ran over his face. Alec pushing further into his hand to make him squeeze tighter. Just when Alec was at the edge of passing out, black dots dancing at the corners of his eyes did Magnus release his grip, leaving behind a large and ugly red bruise, his skin now tender and abused.

Alec coughed, fighting to get air back into his lungs, his eyes stinging from the strain of having been denied oxygen.

“Magnus,” he got out when he could finally breathe again, the name a prayer, his eyes adoring as they looked at him, wanting to thank him but having no breath with which to do so.

“You did so well, darling,” Magnus praised, smiling at him, stroking his cheek tenderly.

“Thank you,” Alec said, his voice hoarse, smiling back, feeling happy at hearing the praise, the lack of oxygen having made his mind feel light and floaty.

“We will be adding that to the contract then,” Magnus commented.

The power display from Magnus, the lack of oxygen, the praise…Alec needed more. He looked at the Warlock with pleading eyes.

“Please…” Alec began softly, his voice dying as he blushed in embarrassment at his own need.

“Yes?” Magnus encouraged, taking a firm grip on his head, forcing him to look up at him.

The strength in his touch gave Alec the strength to voice what he needed.

“I….I need you to fuck me. To do that while you fuck me,” he admitted, his own words fueling his growing desire despite his embarrassment at acknowledging it.

“You need that?” Magnus questioned, his grip on his chin turning harder, more bruising.  
Alec nodded fervently. “Please yes. I want to feel I am yours. I want you to fuck away the memory of anyone else.”

His words made Magnus’ cat eyes appear and that alone almost had Alec groan in anticipation and desire.

Magnus managed to curb his desire to give Alec a serious look. “What’s your safe word?”

Alec looked confused at him. “My what?”

“Safe word. If you need me to stop,” Magnus clarified.

“I don’t have one,” he admitted, a bit hesitantly. He trusted Magnus to be able to both give him the reward and the punishment he needed. He didn’t see he would need it.

Magnus gave him an intense look. “Do you not want one?”

Alec would have shook his head if not Magnus’ grip prevented it. “No.”

Magnus’ eyes narrowed. “Tough. You will get one,” he said strongly and thought for a second. “You will say ‘gold’ if you need me to stop and ‘silver’ if you need me to slow down.”

“Yes,” he eagerly promised, just wanting this conversation over with so they could get to the fucking part.

“You **will** use them if you need to, understood?” Magnus ordered sharply as he released his hold on his chin.

“Yes,” Alec said quickly, nodding, thinking he couldn’t image ever doing that, no matter how painful a punishment Magnus would give he would want to go through with it.

“Please….please, I need to feel you really want me,” he begged, trying to get them back to what he wanted, needed.

“I want to mark you up all over,” Magnus warned and to emphasize his point he bit down on his shoulder, hard, tasting blood.

Alec instinctively tensed, fighting to breathe through the pain but then leaned further towards him, encouraging him to continue. Magnus sucked a large hickey into his neck next to the bleeding bite mark, leaving a large bruise behind.

“Shit! Yes!” Alec screamed, leaning his head to the side to give Magnus better access.

“Fuck it; I don’t want to wait,” Magnus mumbled darkly, pulling away from Alec, his cat eyes clouded with desire and lust.

“Go stand by the wall,” Magnus ordered, pointing towards the nearest wall of the living room, fighting to control his desire to fuck him right here.

“Yes,” Alec eagerly agreed as he went to the wall, facing it. He was about to ask how Magnus wanted him when he felt him press himself hard and strong against him, forcing him flat against the wall.

“This won’t be gentle,” Magnus warned with dark desire as he snapped his fingers and they were both naked.

Alec moaned as he felt Magnus’ hard cock press against his ass.

“I don’t want it to be. I want you to fuck me so hard I will be seeing stars. I want to feel you for days. I want to think of nothing, feel nothing, but your cock inside of me,” Alec begged, his need overcoming his embarrassment and hesitation as he tried to rub himself against Magnus’ cock.

“I can arrange that,” Magnus promised darkly as he pulled a little back and snapped his fingers, his cock now lubed.

He positioned himself at Alec’s opening and pressed his body close to Alec’s using magic to pin him in place and force his arms over his head, holding them together there with magical bindings.

He looked at Alec’s face and saw how flustered he looked, his eyes shining with need. Magnus sighed in satisfaction when he pulled back to push all the way inside his Shadowhunter in one go, beyond trying to pretend he didn’t need this as much as Alec did.

“Fuck, yes!” Alec screamed at the burn, fighting to accommodate him, take him in. It hurt but in a good way; made him feel full, used, desired…wanted.

Magnus pulled back before pushing brutally all the way back in, hitting his prostate and forcing a scream of pure pleasure from Alec’s lips.

“Do you like that?” Magnus hissed in his ear, using one hand to fist his hair, pulling his head back so he could look at him, the pull hard and painful, drawing tears to Alec’s eyes.

“Shit! Yes!” Alec screamed, trying to nod but unable to because of Magnus’ hold on his hair.

Magnus released his hair and instead pressed his face hard and flat against the wall.

“I want to hear you,” Magnus demanded as he continued his brutal pounding, almost lifting Alec off the floor with the power of his thrusts.

“Fuck! Yes!” Alec moaned loudly, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, his brain cloudy and filled with desire.

“More. Please more,” Alec begged desperately, trying to push back against him to take even more of him into himself.

“Fuck, yes! So tight around my cock,” Magnus mumbled as he trust harshly back and forth, faster and faster.

“Harder! Harder! Please harder!” Alec screamed, having a mental image of being split in two by the force of Magnus’ thrusts and still needing more.

“Fuck,” Magnus grunted as he pulled out before slamming back in so forcefully Alec was left on his tiptoes.

“Yes!” Alec screamed loudly as Magnus hit his prostate again and again with brutal precision.

“So eager for me,” Magnus hissed in his ear as he pulled out only to push back in again with such force Alec was seeing stars. Magnus added new bite marks and bruises to his neck and shoulders whenever he was also pushing back in, adding to Alec’s pleasure and feeling of being owned.

“I…Can I…Fuck!” Alec yelled, dripping pre-come, feeling he was close, his brain having gone all foggy as his world seemed to start and end with Magnus’ cock.

“Come untouched or not at all,” Magnus demanded darkly as he pulled back out only to slam back in with such brutality Alec was happy the wall was there to support him.

“Fuck, yes!” Alec screamed when he came, Magnus’ continued assault on his prostate forcing every last drop of come from him, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, his breath coming in sharp breaths.

Alec became aware he had just blacked out for a moment or two because he began to register his surroundings again when he heard Magnus whisper in his ear.

“You are so tight. I always wanted to take you like this,” Magnus whispered in his ear as he kept fucking him mercilessly, hitting his prostate again and again.

Magnus’ continued brutal thrusts were starting to become painful after his orgasm and Alec tried to move, only to find magic was holding him firmly in place.

“Fuck! I….” Alec tried to say, tears forming at the corners of his eyes, his words being cut off by another powerful thrust inside of him, making him wince at the pain.

“Stay! I am not done yet,” Magnus ordered, his voice sharp as he followed the order with a deep bite on his shoulder, drawing blood.

“Shit! Magnus, please,” Alec begged, feeling over-sensitive, used and weak but still wanting to feel Magnus come inside of him. He tried to squeeze his muscles together to help him along.

“Please what?” Magnus growled in his ear as he continued his assault on his prostate with continued viciousness.

“Please come inside of me,” Alec pleaded, grunting when the force of Magnus’ thrust made him see stars.

Magnus’ thrusts continued mercilessly and Alec was becoming well aware he had moved them into the punishment part of this as he had asked. Tears started to run down his cheeks.

“I can’t…” Alec started to say as Magnus hit his prostate again forcefully, drawing a painful whimper from his lips.

“Let me hear you beg,” Magnus demanded harshly.

“Please...please come inside me,” Alec begged, sobbing now.

“I can pull out now if it’s too painful,” Magnus offered, certain he would say no but wanting him to have the choice.

Alec tried to shake his head but was still pressed against the wall, tears of pain and humiliation falling down his cheeks. “No. please. I want you to come inside of me. Please,” he begged desperately, more tears falling down his cheeks.

“Ok, this will hurt,” Magnus warned darkly.

Alec bit his lower lip hard, tasting blood.

“I know. I want it to. It’s the punishment I need. Please, I want to feel you,” Alec insisted, an almost wild and desperate look in his eyes.

He needed this; it wasn’t enough yet. He needed more. He needed to really feel he had been punished, he needed to truly feel Magnus inside of him, truly feel he wanted him, feel him marking him, the pain of the punishment mixing with the pleasure he knew he would feel from feeling Magnus come inside of him if he could just take the punishment a little longer. A determined look came to his eyes and he was determined that he would be able to do it.

Magnus continued his brutal assault, drawing painful whimpers from Alec’s lips as he fucked him faster and faster, harder and harder. Making it hurt just as Alec wanted it to, needed it to, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Fuck, yes!” Magnus cried aloud when he finally bottomed out and came deep inside Alec.

“Shit!” Alec cried as Magnus’ assault on his prostate finally stopped and the brutal pain faded to a manageable ache. Alec almost smiled, his brain gone, lost in the sensations. He could feel Magnus still; just as he wanted.

“You still with me?” Magnus whispered in his ear.

It took a few seconds for Alec’s brain to register the question and he was aware he was meant to respond.

Alec fought through the haze in his brain and got out, his voice weak and abused, “I…Yes.”

“Good,” Magnus said matter of fact as he pulled out abruptly and released his hold on him both physically and magically.

“Fuck,” Alec mumbled, fighting to find something to hold himself up with but the wall was bare and he slipped to the floor in an ungraceful heap.

He was aching all over, having bruises and cuts on his hips, neck and shoulders. He could still feel Magnus inside of him; a dull but constant ache. His ass hurt like hell, making him try to shift his position to avoid too much pressure on it. He was a mess of sweat and come and as he took his hands to his throat, he was red and sore from where Magnus had squeezed. His hand on his cheeks came away stingy with his own tears.

“Magnus?” Alec asked weakly, his throat hoarse as he turned his head to try and find him.

“Here, darling, drink this,” Magnus ordered, his voice soft and his touch gentle as he put a glass of water against his lips.

Alec obediently drank all the water and Magnus made the glass disappear.

“Thank you,” Alec said hoarsely, meaning for punishing him and showing him how much he cared, how much he loved him.

Magnus smiled tenderly, stroking his cheek softly, “You did well. So well.”

“Thank you,” Alec said shyly, his voice still hoarse, smiling a little proudly at the praise.

Magnus snapped his fingers and cleaned them both up, leaving them both in sweatpants and t-shirt.

“Come, darling. It has been an exhausting day,” Magnus said softly as he bent down and picked Alec up as gently as if he was a precious and fragile jewel.

Alec snuggled close, putting his arms around his neck and his head by his shoulder. He smiled contently. Magnus carried him to the bedroom and laid him down gently, tucking him in under the corners with so much love and care it almost made Alec cry.

“Will you stay with me? Just till I fall asleep please?” Alec pleaded when Magnus was done tucking him in.

“Of course, darling,” Magnus said lovingly as he laid on the bed next to him, pulling him into his arms, Alec’s head resting on his chest.

“Did I do good?” Alec asked in a small voice, hopeful, his eyes imploring as he raised his head to look at him.

Magnus nodded and smiled encouraging. “You did great, darling.”

Alec smiled joyfully before he added in a serious tone, “I like that you care enough to give me the contract. I will follow it, I promise.”

Magnus smiled and stroked his cheek tenderly.

“I know, darling. When you have fallen asleep I will make a draft we can go over together but we are going to include some hard limits,” Magnus said, adding the last bit with a meaningful glare.

“Yes, sir,” Alec promised, wanting to be good, wanting to please him.

“Good, my little pet. Very good,” Magnus said fondly.

“I love you,” Alec said seriously, almost desperately, need and something close to adoration in his voice. _Nephilim love once, fiercely._

“I love you too,” Magnus said before pulling him down to a kiss filled with possessiveness and protectiveness, tenderness and strength.

Alec was smiling happily when they pulled apart and he laid his head back on Magnus’ shoulder. He knew they had many challenges ahead but as he laid within Magnus’ warm embrace he felt relieved and happy, content and calm, for the first time since Magnus had left him.

**The end**

Continues in Broken Angel part 3 – “I’ve Built My Dreams Around You”

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed it please leave feedback or kudos. Thanks so much


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